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This weekend

2008-11-25T16:23:49Z

So this weekend is one i'm really looking forward to. I just want this day to be over. Cuz when it is, i can go home, pack, wash, and get ready to leave home tomorrow for thanksgiving. I'll get to see my kids. Gordo is all grown up (he's almost 7). well he seems like he is. I can still remember that little two year old, telling his crazy story about his daddie to my friends and me. He was so adorable. Now, he is a smart little boy. He wants to play basketball. that makes me happy lol. He actually likes school too. I miss him. I also get to see my princess. I miss her. I miss hearing her call me honey. And she is talking so much now. It sux cuz she calls me on the phone and starts saying things, but i can't understand them. Once i'm around her again, i'll know what she is saying. I do know when she is saying "honey" though. because i am her auntie honey, lol. I'm sure she has gotten taller. a lot can happen in three months. Surprisingly, i actually miss my sister, lol. And since she is picking me up i'll see her as soon as i get here.

The only sad thing is that i may not be able to see my mom. She is on the road with my dad currently. They are either on their way or already in Oklahoma right now. I'm not sure if they will get a load back to el paso in time for turkey day. It'll be the first time i'm not with her for thanksgiving. it'll just be weird.

But it'll still be a fun weekend. I'll be at my becky's for lunch on thursday. Spend time with my mini-me, my cousin Vero. i miss her too. She is a crazy kid. i don't agree with her choice in who she is seeing, just because i don't trust sara anymore. ya she was my friend once, and she is still a person i care about, i just don't trust her. she has too much drama in her life, and my cousin doesn't need that. she has enough already. but if she is happy, then i'll tolerate sara. ok, well then after that i'll go to cruces to go have dinner with my aunts and cousins. that should be fun. haven't seen them in a long time! this year hasn't been a great time with my mom side of the fam lol, well seeing them. so hopefully johnny will be there by the time i get there. i need to call or text him and let him know i'll be going there at around 3 or 4. just so he can tell everyone else, and wait to leave so i can see him. i'm glad we have gotten closer over the years. as kids we always bumped heads, but now i think we get along because i respect him, don't talk down to him, and am honest with him. i think he appreciates that. and hopefully i'll get to see my cousin dawn. she hasn't been around in years. i think it has probably been like 4 years or so since i've seen her. anyways, so i'm sure that'll be fun.

i'm not sure what i'm doing after that though. see it's liz's birthday, and well we haven't talked much lately. i don't know why. i am not sure if it's because of our own pre-occupation with our respective girlfriends, or what. i just know that we are better in person than on the phone. i miss her, but i just don't know. i'm not sure if she will be in town, or if she'll already be gone, in phoenix, with An and her family. that's fine. i was just hoping to be there for her 21st, that's all. so i will have to call An sometime in the next couple of days and ask her about what the plans were for liz's birthday.

but, friday, is when i'll continuing my happiness. i get to see her that day. i can't believe it's already been a month or so since i last saw her. my time here in LJ has gone by fast because of her. days don't seem as boring and pointless as they did in NOLA. Seeing her friday will be great. i'll actually get to hold her, and sleep with her, (real sleep is what i'm talking about, like mi-mi's lol), and not just fall asleep on the phone with her. i just want to get in as much time with her this weekend as i can. Go watch twilight, a play, the duke game, and maybe some other movies. oh, and help her with organic maybe, lol. i'm really looking forward to it. i miss her.

ok i think that's enough for now....

maybe another post after this weekend.

For you.

2008-11-12T22:17:18Z

Hey there! Ya i'm writing this to you. Last night, you were playing around by saying i was being mean for not saying thank you. I'm assuming the me writing something nice to you on myspace took longer than you wanted lol. But I didn't know what to write last night. I didn't know if, at the time, you wanted to hear something all cheezy, or cute. And with my cousin distracting me on the phone, it wasn't as easy to write as it should have been. But, as i have time at work, i'm writing this to you, whether you read it or not. I am glad you randomly started messaging me on myspace. I'm so oblivious to things, and so afraid to start talking to people randomly, that i probably would have never really started talking to you. I am still surprised that you noticed me last fall. Sometimes i think that you should have came up to me then, but when i think more, i'm glad you didn't until recently. I say that because i know of your situation at the time, but also because of mine. if you would have came up to me, last term would have been more fun, yes, but the whole year would have been hard. I would have left to NO, not getting to see you at all, then you were home during the summer, so again not being able to see you as much. Ya i would have been able to be with you for a couple weeks before i left again, but then we'd be where we are now. I don't know if things would be the same as they are now. So your timing was amazing.

Another thing. It makes me feel really good when you tell me that you like me, and the way you tell me. When i hear you say things like, "you need to be home already" it makes me feel good. I know, i'm being kind of repetitive.

You asked me once, whithin the first couple of weeks, that if i thought we would be this good when we were physically together. And i think that after halloween weekend, we should both be able to agree that we can be. I'm looking forward to the next few weeks being over. I want to see you so bad.

Muah!!!!
Alicia

So this is just for my own enjoyment (3 More days)

2008-10-27T17:13:29Z

Ah, i just wrote so much, and accidentally deleted it.

Anyways, well i guess i'll just talk about her again, lol. But yes, i get to see her this Thursday night, finally. We've been talking for almost 2 months now, and have been official for almost 6 weeks. i know it's fast or whatever, but i really like her. I'm so excited to see her. We have had our bumps, and i survived a big one, where she was almost ready to say what's the point and just end things. Oh how i'm glad she didn't. Her birthday is this wednesday, so even though technically i will not be there, i still got her something. I know she didn't want me to, but i couldn't help it. I wanted to. I'm not sure if i should say it here, because she did tell me once that she did read my journal. Which is fine, she can read about everything i wrote last semester. It was a hard time for me, and she is more than welcome to read it. See, i leave my journal entries public, cuz i don't mind if anyone reads them, and i want to keep this one public, so for that reason, i will not say what i got her. All i know is that she will like it. I just got to figure out where to put it, and how to give it to her. LOL.

But ya, i really, really like her. She is a challenge i must admit. Like, we are alike in some ways, but different in a lot more. I like to do nice and sweat things, but she isn't the lovey-dovey type person. She only likes to cuddle when she is in the mood, where i would be totally happy if that's all i could do. She is a self proclaimed sex fiend, and i'm not complaining! I think, as long as she is willing to be open to this relationship, it could last quite a while. It's easier, i think, currently because all we can do is talk. and at the same time that makes things a little difficult. I don't know how much it is going to change when i come back home in december, for spring semester. I hope it doesn't change too much. And my LDR (which was like a two or three hour distance) only lasted about two months. I think she wasn't too invested in it, at least not like i was. And i'm afraid, that eventually, this may be the case again. I really hope it isn't though. I think that two years has changed the way i look at situations, and how to handle them. I'm also dating an older girl for the first time, so things are deffinately different on that front. She is more mature, has a little more experience, and i think that's what i need, or want.

So yes, i will be seeing her soon. Very soon. And man will this be a fun weekend!!!!!

So, i'm sorry.

2008-10-10T18:56:55Z

So i really messed up last night. I can't believe i said what i did. So, she brings up her grandfather last night. she says something about how he hasn't called her. And the first thing i say is "Have you called him recently. I mean other than to ask for money?" How can i be so stupid to ask if she has called him recently, besides when she wanted money? how stupid is that. That's none of my business, i know. And i had just meant to ask if she had talked to him since that last time, when she happened to ask him for money. Ah, i'm trying so hard not to type a cuss word right now.

I really like this girl. We've been together for three weeks, been talking for like a month and a half. i've apologized to her, pretty much right after i said it, and again today. Just a little while ago to be exact. I don't know what else to do to show her how truly bad and stupid i feel.

AAAHHHH!!!!!

Vice Presidential Debate and my aunt "Ray Ray"

2008-10-03T02:20:29Z

oh my goodness. i'm watching the vice presidential debate right now. and i can't believe this woman. She seems so out of touch. Like she doesn't really make any sense. If that ticket gets elected, i seriously would want to move to canada. Biden just laughs at the things she says. It's like he's writing down on his notes that this woman is dumb. If i was voting solely based on the vice president, i definately would not even consider looking at her name. she is no hilary at all. now that would have been an interesting vice president choice. I can't wait to see what kind of skit will be done on SNL... tina fey, poor woman, has portrayed palin to a "t"! I don't see why this woman, Palin that is, even thinks that her experience, which is minimal, could even prepare her for running a country! They said Obama was inexperienced, well Obama is like an old soul compared to her. AND STOP SAYING MAVERICK!!!!!!!!

Anyways, my aunt who i have not talked to in years called me a little earlier. The only reason she really wanted to do that is because she knows i am gay. She is also. I guess that is enough in common for us to have a relationship. but really i don't want one with her. Like seriously, you have fucked up your life. I don't want to be a part of that. I don't want her thinking that we have stuff in common. Like ppl have told me and her that we look alike. WHO FREAKING CARES! I hate it when they tell me i look like rachel, or i am going to end up like rachel (looks wise). I am NOT her! I may not have the best body figure, but i have a healthy enough figure. I do not want a nickname that would confuse me for a man, even more than how ppl are currently confused. Ray Ray? are you serious? Alicia is fine for me thank you. No Al or anything like that. I have goals in my life. don't think that i'm going to be all buddy buddy with you. I will be as respectful as possible with you, be curtious, but it doesn't mean that i really want you involved in my life. And of all things for her to say, well she was about to hang up, she said i sound like her. FUCK THAT!!!!!!

AH! frustrating night after dinner it has been. (That was a little Yoda-ish, ha ha)

alika32 @ 2008-09-18T14:30:00

2008-09-18T19:30:21Z

well, i am finally back at work. Nothing for me to really do. Well, actually there probably is, it's just that i'm not sure what it is really. I guess i can't really go into detail about that.....

anyways, i realize that i have been kinda always stopping short of talking about recent developments in my life. Well i guess now is my chance to do that.

so about the girl i met. Well, all i can really say is that things are going well. These past 2 and a half weeks talking has been interesting. she is an intelligent girl, which is something that surprises me. She is always making me smile. well at least so far. i don't feel i really need to go into much detail, cuz well i know how this is going. Like we talk everyday, and for the most part have something to talk about. she gets my humor, sarcasticness, and likes how dorky i can be. she is very good looking. of course this is just based on judgements from her pictures on myspace. i am actually really hoping that she does come down to lake jackson to meet me. Ya iknow, we haven't met in person yet, but we have a connection. And she is the one that made the suggestion of her coming down. So if she does come down, and spends the weekend with me, then we'll really know if something can happen. Talking and texting on the phone is different than in person.

She even mentioned that last night. Well, after we hung up, she texted me a little note, like she always seems to do. But she says that she's pretty sure she likes me. and i tell her i feel the same. She says she's lucky she talked to me, and really i think i'm lucky. She just seems so amazing. well anyways, after i tell her that she asks if i think we'll do this good in person. Honestly, i really think we can and i hope we can. I do know that things won't be exactly the way they are now once i go back home and start school. But all i know is that i am glad we are getting this time to actually get to know each other. of course things may be different once we're physically see each other and see the way we really act. I hope it works. i'm more optimistic about this than i have been about any relationship (actual or potential) since crystal. And that's actually saying something. I think that if we do end up getting together, i think it can end up so much better than what me and crystal could have ever been.

so pretty much i'm saying I like this girl. and if i was back home, and things were working out like they are now, i'd have already asked her out. we have no title, but it seems like we're already together.... i guess we'll have to see what happens

so.... my life lol

2008-09-15T01:00:21Z

well, i have to say my life is kinda going weird right now. I'm still here in Shreveport, waiting it out. I talked to my supervisor and he said i probably wouldn't be able to go back to work until wednesday, and shouldn't even head back to lake jackson for a while, since there isn't any power. So i'm just here.

but the other weird thing, well not weird, but different thing is that i've been talking to this girl for like exactly two weeks now. And at first, i was like whatever. She contacted me on myspace, and we were just talking throught messages. I wasn't really looking too much into it, and so we talked. Asked some questions you know. then she said, so i figured you're not weird so i'm going to give you my number. that made me laugh. ha ha.

but ya there's more, it's just that we're about to eat dinner, so maybe i'll finish tomorrow, or soon lol.

So Far.......

2008-09-11T15:36:05Z

So, i never finished my summary thing, but oh well.

I am supposed to be working right now. But given Ike taking over the gulf coast i needed to leave. I never really thought i would have to evacuate some place. So i'm here in Shreveport with Betty and Vic. I'm really glad i came over here. I really missed them. When I saw Vic, I became so happy. LOL. But ya i just have no idea how long i will be staying here. I need to go check the weather channel to see how things are going.

There's so much more to write about what's been going on with me lately, but i don't want to spend too much time on Vic's computer....

We'll see if I write later.

Summary

2008-08-28T06:26:56Z

so, i haven't written in this thing for quite a while, a month really. well i think it is because i really haven't had much to update on. or maybe because i just didn't feel like writing. but now i have kind of decided to do a summary of this summer, since i am so close to leaving again. Ya, i'm leaving next friday to the Houston area. that should be fun.... anyways, this summer went by fast surprisingly. i finished all of my classes with A's. so that made me happy. but this summer i had a few revelations (i think that's the word) about myself and people. hmmmm, maybe i'll do a list, about people (even though i'm sure no one will read them). the thing about that is do i put their names so i can look at this in the future and know who i'm talking about, or leave them out, in case of theoff chace someone i write about reads this? well how about a list of topics instead? ok we'll start and see how this goes.

first:
people have changed, or maybe not. maybe situations have changed, or i have changed. what i'm getting at is that things are just different compared to how it was before i left for new orleans. like i don't really talk to the "homos" any more. in this whole year i aybe seen that group like at the most ten times (if that). compared to seeing them every few days or every weekend like i did in most of 07. it was just a bunch of drama.i was confused about how things came to be. i was hoping it would have been how it was when i left, but it wasn't. at least not for me. they still had that connection, but i was an outsider. i am an outsider now. i don't really talk to the group, or even members of the group much anymore. it's like i don't exist anymore. at least to them. maybe it is for the better. no major lesbian drama for me anymore. no wondering "when did they break up" or "when did they get together" or even "how are they still together". nope none of that. i just don't really worry about it anymore.

second:
a former friend isn't really a friend anymore. she is more like a nuisence (spelling?) for my family. she has somehow attracted the attention of my younger cousin. That is fine, i support my cousin being a lesbian. or bi whatevr. but this girl has just caused drama. people think that i'm going to hurt her or something, my mom even told me not to (she thought i actually did fight her recently). and it's like where did all this come from. it has also caused drama for my cousin by making her mom say things. like her mom is fine with me and her two sisters being gay, but not her own daughter. i really want to talk to my aunt about that. See, that pisses me off. but what pisses me off more is how my "friend" went about this whole situation. she was dating this girl for a long time, and they broke up, so she started hooking up (just kissing, i think) with my cousin. so i was trying to be ok about it. But then, when my cousin was supposed to leave to albuquerque, she told my cousin that they were over. and guess what, she was back with her girlfriend. UH!!!!! and then like a month later, they broke up, she comes to me telling me that her girl was now dating a guy (ps, she starts showing at my cousins more often). and then i notice that my cousin and her are doing things again. so that just pisses me off.

uh i need to go to sleep, maybe i'll continue with my summary tomorrow.

so it's been a while... how are you doing?

2008-07-28T04:20:22Z

LOL. so ya like the title says. it's been a while since i have actually wrote anything of meaning. these past few weeks have been fine. eventful but not really lol. um i drank on tuesday, not the best idea, but ya whatever. i wasn't messed up, just buzzed.

so pretty much anika and liz are together now, but they're not. like anika doesn't plan on being with anyone else while she is still here, but doesn't want to have that exclusive title because she doesn't want liz to wait for her and not do anything after she leaves in march. so liz is happy and i'm guessing an is too. I'm happy for liz too. she's just going to be hurt in march, when she won't be with an everyday. we'll see what happens. i'm also happy cuz she won't be alone. i mean when i leave an will still be here, and when i leave i'll be here (well most of the time).

nothing really exciting has happened with me. my life is really school, and dealing with the events in liz and an's life lol. ya... just here.

i really hope to find out who my roommate in freeport is going to be.

hmmm.... school is like more than half way through. i think i'd take summer classes again, but just not as many. ya, nothing else on my mind i guess.

NIGHT

The Dark Knight

2008-07-20T23:22:50Z

Best movie EVER. I saw it last night with liz and anika. It was so action packed, and just never let me down. Heath Ledger was amazing! He was the JOKER, you can't find any real trace of the actor, just the character. this is the only movie that i can think of that i am willing to pay another 8 dollars to see.

that's all i wanted to say he he

it's hot!!!!

2008-07-11T23:12:11Z

(so i'm putting what songs i'm listening to while i'm writing)
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Now playing: Justin Nozuka - Mr. Therapy Man
via FoxyTunes

so i just got out from under the body heat of my niece. she fell asleep on me..... ya her and my nephew are over. Gordo is at my aunt's house next door

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Now playing: Justin Nozuka - Down in a Cold Dirty Well
via FoxyTunes

any ways, so they're over here for an actual reason. as my niece lays next to me sleeping and snoring (she's two) i contimplate if not to say why they are here. well.... my sister got arrested, on stupid speeding ticket warrants. ya, i don't understand why they don't just pay them when they first get them instead of waiting. so this morning i'm like in my bed debating if i actually want to get up or not. it was like 11 or so. then my sister calls, and is asking me what i'm doing, if mom's home, and if my cousin is next door. she finally gets to the point and tell me she got stopped.

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Now playing: Justin Nozuka - Criminal
via FoxyTunes

she wants me to go pick up her truck and the kids. all i hear is the cop telling her where to tell me she is at, and my nephew crying in the background. so of course i just got my butt up and left, taking my cousin with me of course.

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Now playing: The Last Goodnight - Stay Beautiful
via FoxyTunes

so ya it's been a different kind of day.

I really need to read. i have like four chapters to read for english, as well as right a essay type thing for that class, plus a chapter for psych. i need to stop slacking with the reading. the first week went by pretty smooth lol.

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Now playing: Colbie Caillat - Realize
via FoxyTunes

hmmm.... so i've listened to quite a few songs in this little post. i'm really starting to like Justin Nozuka. he has some really good songs. and i'm listening to a variety of songs in this fairly short post cuz i have been im'ing and texting karissa.

so i think i hear my sister's voice. i guess ruben (her fionce) already got her out. good. my nephew is talking and laughing. of course i say i think cuz i'm in my room and whoever is talking is not in my room lol....

ok i'm done.

:]

sorry if the song tags got annoying

interesting weekend

2008-07-06T07:46:22Z

so, this past weekend ha been interesting. mostly last night. my ex for some reason calls me a couple days ago to ask me what i was doing cuz she was bored. but ya, ends telling me she wants to hook up with me. this caught me by surprise, and i couldn't really answer her. so she told me to sleep on it. so i did lol. she ends up texting me like all day yesterday, telling me she wants to see me. and even saying she misses me. i had no idea what to say to that at all, cuz well i don't really miss her. i miss messing around, but there's a reason we were only together for a month. but ya, somehow me and liz end up leaving my house and the whole family thing to go pick up a friend in cruces then go to the op. well the op plan died, and we ended up drinking. liz, the friend, me and my ex. so, i got some last night, lol. not to sure if i'm proud of it. it did feel good to sleep (actually sleep) with someone, but honestly i just wish it was someone else. and i will always wish it was that someone else deep down, event though that'll probably never happen.

i know, it probably doesn't make any sense, but that's where my head is currently

update on the drama.... and the rest of this life....

2008-06-28T07:17:47Z

so.... ah! I guess i should have kissed her when i had the chance. but at the same time i'm glad i didn't. so here's the deal. her and my friend are back together again.

ok well let's go a little bit earlier.

my friend told my cuzin a while ago that she didn't want to see her any more, or hook up, or whatever they were doing. and well i guess my friend assumed i was going to hurt her or something, but ya that just isn't me. they weren't going out, she didn't like break my cuzin's heart, so i didn't have to break her face lol. well anyways, after that i decided i needed to talk to my friend really bad, to try and clear up all the rumor's and what not. so i basically told her we should talk, and just clear things up. so it sort of made things better. we tried to act like nothing really happened, yet there has still been this awkwardness. ok, so we have that talk and things end up being a little bit better. until pretty much this past weekend. it was just weird. i found out that my friend wanted to get back with her girl. no on any normal circumstance this would be great, but not anymore. OK first thing. I find it kinda fucked up that my friend is doing this. She breaks up with her girl, starts hooking up with my cousin, then when my cousin seems like she is about to move to ABQ she tells her she wants to stop. HOW CONVENIENT!!! and then the next thing i know i find out she wants to get back with her ex! that pisses me off cuz it seemed like she was just playing games. so i ask the girl (ex, whatever) if they were getting back together. she tell's me "i have no idea she wants to and i do but there is a part of me that does not want to" and so i tell her ok cool, i don't want to get between them. she asks if i actually wanted something or just fun. so i tell her the truth, just fun. BUT, fun can PISS PPL OFF, and so ya i just tell her to take her time. Ok that last part just happened like sunday. anyways we ended up changing the subject and just talking. so nothing really happened for the next couple of days. that is until a couple days ago. so me and my friends (including the ex) went to the warped tour. me and "the ex" went together, i drove to her house, she drove to cruces. easy deal right. well the night before i get this pretty messed up message from my friend. it said (i'm leaving out names) "so have you heard me n "the ex" are going out again since u been dieing to know." ok so that sounded pretty like accusing to me. all i said is "why am i dieing to know? and no i didn't" then like thirty minutes or an hour later she tells me that the text was meant for someone else. ya right, im supposed to believe that. I'M NOT STUPID!!! stop trying to make it seem like i am.

so ya then i just said whatever, and then the next day comes. WARPED TOUR!!! that was just fun as hell!!! i enjoyed it so much. with my girls and all. Pictures and videos on my myspace if you want to see. just so you know had a great time, and that day was pretty much drama free. Except i did know that my friend was going to pretty upset that i was with her girl (who is no longer "the ex") all day long. she was probably thinking something was going on.

then came today. it was pretty good. had some lunch with my sister. came back home. then after i uploaded a few pics i went over to my cousins house next door to go chill. guess who's there.?! yup! my friend. so i don't make anything of it. i don't expect anything to happen. and nothing really did while she was there. I emphasize WHILE SHE WAS THERE. She eventually leaves and later sends me this text out of no where. (actually i'm going to type the dialog that we had)

S: Dude why. Didn't u tell me u like "the ex". Now it hurts even more. Fuck im losing her. I cant do this no more. So ya. Drama comes again n again. U dont want to get

ya it just stopped there

Me: Dude i don't like her that way. We're just talking. That's it. I have done nothing with her but dance k. So you can think what you want. If you're with her you're with her, but don't think it's me that's losing her.

S: Ah. Ok. Then. I guess wanting to have fun w. Her is just dancing too right. Fuck it im sorry. Now i learned. Now i know how much i hurt u last year.

Me: Dude dancing is dancing. And i wasn't doing anything to get back at you, and i'm sorry if it seemed like that.

so ya... i don't know. she ends up saying she loves me, and she's sorry and she's stupid. all i can really say is that right know i don't think our friendship can ever be the same. she thinks i'm stupid. and well i'm just trying to stay honest. so that is pretty much some caught up drama huh?

So I'm out two girls now lol. ya, i haven't talked to the other girl much either cuz well of the whole baggage thing. eh... life goes on.

alika32 @ 2008-06-16T15:50:00

2008-06-16T21:50:26Z

So, i'm a weird little predicament... For the first time in my recent life, i am not looking for a girlfriend, i just want to have fun. SO i ended meeting this girl in my sociology class, and well she's bi. We've talked a bit, and i have considered just getting to know her better. the thing is, she kinda leaves me feeling awkward, like she is a very strong person and stuff, but i think she has a little too much baggage for me to want anything casual with her. and i think if there wasn't someone else i was into, i'd be more willing to put effort into something with the girl from sociology. So like i said there is someone else i am into, but i feel kind of bad about it, but at the same time i don't. I feel bad because her and my friend broke up about three or so weeks ago. and i'm usually a person that thinks they were with my friend, so she's off limits. but.... well my friend hasn't been the greatest friend this last year, and plus she has already moved on and is kinda hooking up with my younger cousin. plus, i have had a small thing for this girl for a while now, just never did anything about it, cuz well her and my friend were together.

so, last night was like this big party with a bunch of the lifeguards, and so of course the girl was there. of course there was drinking... and well she wanted me to dance with her, so of course i did. (this is the second time we have danced with each other, the first two days earlier when i took her and her friends to the gay club for their first time) SO dancing was fun. it got me pretty heated. i wanted to kiss her so bad, but i stopped myself. not sure if it was because she was drinking, and in my mind didn't feel it would be right, or for other reasons. but man, she seriously got me really hot. so, what sux is i knew she had to be home early, and i was going to walk her to her vehicle, and perhaps give her a goodnight kiss, you know.... but ya her mom ended up coming and picking her up (she just turned 18), so there went that. I ended up texting her after she left and told her i wanted to kiss her, and she pretty much said she wanted to also... i guess we'll see what happens.

the past two weeks

2008-06-13T23:11:18Z

so..... there are like so many things that are going through my mind right now. things have really been weird these past couple weeks. i started school again, made a new friends, reconnected a conversation relationship with an old classmate, gotten into some drama with an old friend, have had a mental dilemma pretty much.

so school started about two weeks ago. I'm taking sociology and music appreciation. i was supposed to have a regular lecture class for music, but unfortunately only 4 ppl signed up for that class, so it didn't make. that led me to take the online course, which is pretty interesting. It's a classical music appreciation class. I've enjoyed it so far. I have heard a lot of different types of music so far. And my sociology class is very interesting. so far i'm enjoying it. there is only like ten ppl in our class, so we have a lot of discussions, but sometimes they turn to stories that just get out of hand. i think our professor enjoys the story, but gets frustrated after a while. i don't blame here. i get frustrated as well. I'm glad we have a pretty diverse group cuz i'm learning different perspectives. given most of the class is girls, and the guys rarely speak, so ya. but i have met this girl in my class. she is from cali and she's bi. so we've kind of been hanging out. i don't want a girlfriend, just some one to have fun with, and i should probably inform her of that. there's no point in having a girlfriend currently due to the fact that i'll be leaving again.

oh so on to the drama. ok me and this girl have been friends for a very long time. at one point i even considered her one of my best friends. but lately our friendship has lessened. ok, well she broke up with her girlfriend of about 2 and a half years about two or three weeks ago, and now she's hooing up with my cuzin who is about 3 years younger than her. my friend will be 20, my cuzin will be 17. and well it is weird, but i'm fine with it. but see this whole thing started about a year ago. while my friend was still with her girl, i noticed S (my friend) flirting with my cuz. now this really pissed me off cuz S is messing with my cuzins head while she's with someone. so that is what has really bothered me this past year. also last summer, S betrayed me a few times. She kissed this girl that i had really cared about for a long time and was flirting with my ex girl in front of me. but she always denied it. So she continuously lied to me. so that happened. ok and then recently, i talked with my friend about what was going on between us. she thought i was still mad about the previous summer, which i wasn't. I told her that the only thing that really bothered me was what went on with her and my cousin prior to her break up. but again she denied it, saying "it's nothing like that." ok, i'm not stupid, don't try to make it seem like i'm stupid! Just quit lieing to me! if you would just be truthful i wouldn't be so mad. Anyways, i told her that if she hurt my cousin i would hurt her, fair trade to me. but some how all this shit escalated to that i just wanted to kick her ass and that i am hooking up with her ex girl. all of it is so untrue. and the thing with her ex, is ya, i have had a small thing for her while those two were together, but i never did anything cuz they were together. and now that they are apart i have just flirted a little more, nothing else. so whatever, me and S have kinda come to an agreement to forget all this bs and drama. eventually i will tell her about the lying, but it can wait. so i've calmed down with that.

so ya. it's been an eventful 2 weeks.

School!!!!

2008-05-29T14:33:43Z

So today is the day i start school again. Summer school kind of scares me. It's like doing three and a half weeks of regular school, in one week. It's going to be crazy. And what sux right now is that i got up like early. ok maybe 6:20 mountain time isn't as early as 6:10 Central, but since i've been back home i've been getting up at like at 10 or 11, so ya, it's early now. but it sux that i got up early because my class at 8 got dropped due to a lack of students. There were only four of us there this morning and apparently only five signed up for the whole class. so now i got to waste like another 2 hours. and i really don't know what to do....

well i guess i'll talk about the past few weeks since it has been a while since i have posted.

let's see, the weeks haven't really be filled with anything. I am sad my team, the New Orleans Hornets lost to the Spurs. I was really pushing for them to go against the lakers. But hey, my team is the second best improved team from last year, and we did get pretty far. So i guess i can say that i'm still happy for my team. just wait until next season. Oh ya and this past weekend was memorial day, so that means there was a full weekend of rock concerts. For those of you that aren't from my area, KLAQ, the local rock station, host a weekend of rock concerts at Wet n Wild, the water park here. This little festival is called Ballon Fest. it's been going on for longer than i have been alive. So i went all three days, saw three and a half bands (only saw the last few songs of the first band on sat), and only paid 40 dollars. it's good cuz i bought the season pass that got me in all three days, and well to see those bands without that pass would have cost 60. Anyways, i got to see P.O.D. (i like their songs but i'm not a big fan), part of Egypt Central (still not too sure who that group is), Skillet (who was the shit, who knew a christian rock band could be so good), and Atreyu (minus the lead screaming guy, man that was a pretty crazy crowd). I enjoyed all of them in their own way. all i can really say is that i left with a few bumps and bruises, and was also very sore the next day (that day would be tuesday). I love ballon fest. I've seen or heard so many live bands cuz of it. It was a little different this year because the previous two years i was a lifeguard during this time, so i wasn't able to see every show, and i was busy through out the day. This time, i was trying to find things to do while waiting for the concerts. I mean riding the rides during this weekend isn't that fun cuz you have to wait for ever, and there is just too many ppl. but ya all in all it was a good weekend.

Just need to go buy a ticket for the Warped Tour now!!!!!!!!!!!

TIRED

2008-05-12T05:19:20Z

aaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I'M TIRED OF TRYING!!!!!

I try so hard, but by trying so hard to have a happy fun time with someone and then for some reason it not happening has gotten me so down. it feels like i'm not good enough for some ppl. And this just isn't just one person. i guess maybe i've been gone for too long. who freaking knows.

i've been contemplating calling my ex just to have fun. to just make out with someone. I have had a good kiss in so long. and ya i know that it's kind of messed up to just like "use" a girl, but maybe that's what i need to start doing. i'm just tired of hurting. tired of trying to make other ppl happy. tired of waiting to see what will happen. tired of so many things.

I'M TIRED OF BEING LONELY. i've been lonely for the past four freaking months, and what sux is that it's still the same.

alika32 @ 2008-05-11T11:20:00

2008-05-11T17:40:15Z

So i haven't written in a while, but ya i'm finally home. I hope this summer goes good. Just about all my friends are staying here for the summer, so that should be fun. I just need to enjoy these first few weeks since i don't really have to do anything. I don't start classes until after memorial day, so i currently have plenty of free time. This week has been pretty good so far. Been with liz most of the time. We've been our dumb selves, which i missed so much. I've seen her a couple times, not for like very long, but long enough to enjoy her company. I realized how much she actually plays games, it's like a completely different world to me. It's interesting. But maybe it's just too different. i don't know. just kinda tired of trying. i understand what she's going through, but ya it all still sux.

Things are just weird right now, like my head is all over the place. I'm not sure what to think.

Hornets win, and thoughts about the waterpark (2 more days)

2008-04-30T19:26:10Z

So Today I had my presentation for work. It went very well. I think everyone enjoyed it, and i guess i did have an impact on the plant. I'm glad that i was able to do that. We had cake too, i think that the ppl here are always trying to find reasons to have cake lol. But it went better than i thought. i was nervous but i got over that.

Anyways, the HORNETS won last night again. The closed out the stupid Mavs. Can i just say that i don't really like Texas sports teams, i can't really say way, but that's how i feel. So, it should come to no surprise, we're playing San Antonio in the West Semis. We split with them this year, but our wins against them have been blowouts. So we should match up with them well. I really think that this one will go at least six games. I'm expecting some closer games. Unfortunately i have to wait until Saturday to see another Hornets game, and i don't know when i'll see them live again. I can only hope that i'll be able to again.

So i have like two more days of work, and they are pretty much going to be filled with a lot of net surfing. I really have nothing to do. If any of my co-workers need little things done i'll be happy to help, but right now it looks like quite a few more boring days. And this week will be capped off with a good long lunch on friday.

To be home.... i can't wait. I'll get to see mi familia and my friends. And most likely i am going to spending every week at the damn water park.

Speaking of water park, i've been texting J quite a bit lately. It's a bit weird. Like when i first met her i have to admit that i had a crush on her, and i thought she was gay. I member asking her about it that summer, and she was "flattered" but wasn't gay. But, funny enough, she ended up confiding something in me that year. She was kinda seeing her best friend (a girl) and just needed to be able to talk to someone about it. She still insisted she was straight, but that this girl was the only exception. I personally believed that she was in denial. but anyways, they were pretty much going out for like a year, having to sneak around, having her mom find out and try to keep them away. i felt really bad for her. I think they broke up sometime at like the end of last summer or something like that. But with all that said i can't help but wonder things. Liz told me that she noticed a tattoo on J at the lifeguard classes. i was like that's cool. she said there was some rainbow coloring to it. So of course my mind went "i knew she was gay!" lol. and so, i don't know what to really take from this. we were texting for quite a few hours last night, not about anything in particular, but still. So i'm just thinking, that this summer i'll casually mention things, and see that maybe something can happen. Nothing serious of course, she goes to Texas Tech and I NMSU, so it could be some summer fun maybe. who knows.

well i leave in three days, got two more days of work. I'M ALMOST HOME!!!!!!!!!

Countdown (Leaving in 5 days)

2008-04-28T20:20:27Z

Ya i guess i'm on countdown mode again. I'm glad to be though. It's so weird to think that like 16 weeks ago i was getting ready to leave New Mexico to come to Louisiana. And now i'm looking forward to the summer home. So i will pprobably end up posting like at least two or three more times this week with the number of days in the subject.

So this week is going to be a lazy week (to be honest the past 2 have been lazy as well). And i'm going to get fed. The NSP advisor is paying for lunch tomorrow, and I'm going to be taken out to lunch on friday for my last day. Plus i get cake that day too. yay. lol.

so my HORNETS won last night!!!! oh ya. the game was killing me though. being down early in the first half, Chris Paul not playing like he usually does. It all made me scared that the series would end up tied 2-2, but nope didn't happen. The Hornets came back with the help of Janero Pargo, and they ended up winning by 13. It's surprising they won by that much with Paul only having like 16 points and 8 assists. For most point guards that would be a good night, but Chris Paul isn't most point guards. This was the first game in a long time that he didn't have a double-double. He averaged 20+ points and 10+ assists. Those are MVP numbers right there. And Tyson has been having a bad couple of games. I think in the last two he has like a total of 6 or something. but i guess that shows that our bench can step up. And that our other all-star can lead the team, at least in scoring. But man am i glad we finally won one in Dallas. we're up 3-1 and are playing at home on tuesday. so i'm really confident we will win in the HIVE.

Some ppl may think i'm a bandwagon hopper because i like the hornets. I really don't think that is fair to say. I mean i've never really had an NBA team, and plus the only reason i wanted to go to a game is because i saw them play and was genuinely interested. I have come to love this team. From being in the crowd chanting "CP3, MVP" to wearing my David West Jersey with Pride. I'm glad i got to come over here and experience the NBA/Hornets atmosphere. this is a team that i will be following for years to come.

anyways, if you can't tell i'm really bored. But ya, i ended spending about 250 dollars on souvenirs. man i don't know why i did that but i did. ppl better appreciate that lol. ok, i think that's it for now. it's already become a long post

My Last Weekend

2008-04-26T16:24:39Z

So this is my last weekend in New Orleans. I'm really glad, but at the same time i know i'll miss it. I just kind of wish that i could of had like a group of friends my age here. Don't get me wrong, i am so happy i met Betty and Vic and that they have allowed me not to be completely lonely. but your know there is a big age difference, i just turned 20 and they are like 35, so it's just different. Like i know if i have met ppl more my age i would hav been doing different things. Maybe it's partly my fault for not putting myself out there as much, but it's just really hard to do things by yourself. Maybe i have an insecurity issue, who knows.

But anyways, i need to go buy ppl stuff. you know, the shot glasses, t-shirts, that stuff that has "new orleans" on it. ya,i don't know what to get some ppl. but all i know, is that i only have like 8 more days until i'm home. I'm so glad that it's almost here. I never thought i would miss New Mexico. I really hope i enjoy this summer, and maybe meet some new girl. I'm realizing that i just need to settle with a friendship with her. i know i am not in the best place to be wanting anything serious from anyone. i just need to have fun this summer and just be me.

well i need to go buy some "souveniers" or how ever you spell it, so maybe i'll write more later on tonight or something.

my last day as a teen (2 more weeks)

2008-04-21T03:01:41Z

thats just weird to say. today is my last day as a teenager. 19. it's almost over. and tomorrow i'll be 20. i wish i was home to celebrate it, but i guess i can celebrate it when i get home.... who knows. I'm just thinking how 20 is such a weird age. you can no longer say, well i'm only a teenager, yet your not yet 21. like i still can't legally drink. and i can't even buy a lottery ticket in Louisiana. (not like i buy them when i'm home)
i don't know.

i only got two more weeks until i'm home. i'm really looking forward to being home. i'm just kinda tired of this place. i know that i this area will not be my first choice in living once i'm done with school. anyways. i don't know what to say....

uh, my boring boring life.

Writer's Block: "Nothing Sharpens Sight Like Envy"

2008-04-16T16:04:58Z

What quality in your closest friend are you most envious of and why?

View 500 Answers

HMMM..... I think i'm most envious of her ability to just be free when it comes to girls. like she likes to just have fun, test the waters. she is never really looking for anybody to get with, they just kind of come to her (dirrty thought sorry). And she's actually had some good relationships, (given that some of gone bad due to her ability to just attract girls) from this ability.

I don't know, i just wish that i culd just have the courage to go up to girls and not care if she tells me to leave her alone, or if we start talking. so i guess i'm saying i envy her confidence when it comes to girls. hmmm

ya that's it.

i don't even know anymore

2008-04-15T02:34:33Z

gosh!!!! my head is so not in the right place. all of a sudden i just feel depressed. like i just really need to be home and feel loved again. ya my mom and sister were here and well that should have been enough love right?

but no, that is what think started this whole feeling! gosh i'm so sorry for acting the way i did. i know my sister was born here, but how do they expect me to read their minds. how can i know that you want me to stop at a certain location without you telling me? i tried to apologize for what i did. i realized i was wrong. you just made me feel worse about when you got all pissy cuz we were leaving the quarter, you made it perfectly clear that you think i'm a loser, and boring! that i suck. gosh im sorry that i'm not you, i'm sorry that i make you feel like a blacksheep. i never meant to do anything. you think i like being smart and everyone expecting so much from me. you think i liked hearing dad call me his retirement plan! well i never really have. it just put so much more pressure on me then wanted. i feel like if i don't make a lot of money and live in a good place or have a good house, that i'm just going to dissapoint everyone. i have felt this for as long as i can remember. i know i have recieved praise for my academic accomplishments, but that just makes me feel like i have to be that much better. i don't know if i even want to become an engineer anymore. i never knew if i wanted to be an engineer or scientist. it's like i feel that sometimes the only reason that i'm doing chem eng is because everyone expects me to be some great rich prson. i mean i feel that from everyone. and i'm just so afraid that i'm going to let everyone down.

i don't even know what or why i'm writing anymore. i really don't know, so i'm guess i'm done.